His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
