Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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