So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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