trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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