Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
it's like heaven, but drunker
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
