I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
