Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
