I can't watch pbs sober anymore
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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