do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
