New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
