i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
