Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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