I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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