watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm sobbing to NWA
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
