So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
