I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
