Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
