I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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