I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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