we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
if only i could text you this smell
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I have aggressive nipples.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
