did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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