i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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