Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
