I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
