Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I pour the whiskey from now on
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
