Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
