last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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