Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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