based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
