i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
