you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
