Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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