I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
