I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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