So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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