I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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