see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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