He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
