Those balls look pretty dangerous.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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