I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
well I can't set my house on fire every night
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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