Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
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