I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
