i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
