While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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