lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
