if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
