Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
