if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
