john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
