You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
