Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
