Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
